Attack

My blog is titled "WARRIOR" but the truth is lately, I've been running for cover. OK, it's taken me a while, but now I realize--I've been under attack. Yes, every day we're under attack. Satan sees us in our commitment and progression toward God and wants to do everything he can to undermine what God is trying to do through us. When all of me is emptied out and willing to be used by God, Satan starts working overtime. I've realized recently that things have been bad, but didn't realize just how this all began snowballing until talking with a friend this morning. I look at all the things happening in my life in the last few months and it all started when I set myself aside and prayed and fasted for someone I love. Then everything snowballed. It never happens overnight, but little by little. It started with stress at work, then progressed to missing fellowship at church by being out of town for several weekends. Then I started having health issues, which has progressed to dissention in my marriage due to all of the above. The list goes on and on. I felt like I was on a downward spiral. But today, God spoke to me through a friend who gave me insight and clarifiation. I feel freedom again...and it's sweet.

Where?

Where is God in the midst of everything going on? Financial markets are failing, people are losing their jobs, friends are sick, etc, etc, etc. It's been a while since I've blogged. Fact is, I've been preoccupied. Why? My life revolves around everything negative going on in the world right now. I see it every day. I deal with it every day. I don't want to watch the news. I'm tired. Wounded. This is exactly where Satan would like for me to be, but the truth is Satan is the accuser. And Jesus is my defender. Because of HIS sacrifice, God can look upon me as a clean vessel ready to be used. And that's all I have to be--ready and willing. Truth is, I've not been very willing lately. I've just been trying to survive, and that's not where God wants us to be. There is so much more than just survival mode. All of this JUNK has gotten me sidetracked and now I'm on my way back on the narrow way. I had a college professor explain our walk with God like this. Draw a straight line and then draw a wavy line right on top of it. When we first start following God, the curvy line swings back and forth in a big way off track, and then as we progress in our walk, the times off track don't get quite so far away. Where is God? He is sovereign and right where he's always been. I'm the one who has been away, panicked and worried--nowhere near to where his plan for me is. God is God and I am not. His ways are much, much bigger than my ways. God is my rock and my savior and he's in my heart. That's where he is.

Solitude

I find myself alone this weekend. This is not normal. Not much of my adult life has been spent alone. The only alone time I usually have is on my drive to work. But now I have three whole days alone--all alone. Well, not really; God is there. I know God has set this time aside for me to be with him. I have sensed it since the first of the week. In the spring, my husband takes a backpack trip and in the fall he and my boys go hunting. The hunting trip is an annual thing, but this year for me, its different.
I feel God's holy spirit calling to my heart...calling me to a time of solitude, prayer and fasting. There's something that's a new in my life--fasting. I've only done this once before during the backpack trip last spring. I will diligently seek what the Lord wants to reveal to me. I diligently seek an answer to my persistent prayer. Lord, empty me so that I can be filled with you. I stand in the gap and believe. I thank you for your answer.

Prayer

How much prayer is too much? Obviously, it is never too much. But do you ever get tired of praying? Well, not really tired of praying, but exhausted from praying about one thing for so long? The bible says “pray without ceasing.” I seem to be better at this. It’s like having a conversation with God throughout the day. Having a counselor available to me 24/7 at no cost is a great perk of having Jesus for a best friend! But, my heart has been heavy about praying for something for years.
I read someone else’s point of view on prayer using bowls as an illustration. Imagine that each unanswered prayer has its own “prayer bowl” up in heaven. When enough prayers had been said, the bowl is filled and the prayer is answered. Having a cold and praying for healing, well, that would be a pretty small prayer bowl. But, think about world peace, or in my case, a loved one’s salvation, well, that would be a much bigger bowl.
I’ve been trying to fill this bowl for the better part of ten years now. I can look back and see that my prayer life has grown much stronger and much more versatile. Trial and error have been my companions, using God’s word as my guide. But today, I’m at the point where I’m exhausted. I wonder if it will ever happen, but it seems like each time I get to this point, God shows me something new.
On two different occasions, both in the last year, I have had two distinct visions about my loved one’s journey. When I say visions, I don’t mean dreams, but while I was awake and either in meditation or deep thought about this, that’s when it was revealed to me. Its instances like this that keep me pressing forward.
God is my father and I am his child. I know he’s teaching me something through this, and it usually involves changing ME! Funny how that works. Today I pray for the self-centeredness to be removed so that God’s love can flow through me, because that’s how God will be revealed. I know God hears my prayers…he’s just not done with ME yet.

PASSION

“He was of the Baptist faith.” I read this in an obituary today and have seen it in many over the years. One line defined what he held onto for eternity. (Not that there’s anything wrong with being Baptist—don’t get me wrong.) But, there was no reference to a passion they had for others or helping people or even being involved in a charity—much less a church. The obituary talked of things he collected and where he had lived. It got me to thinking…what would my obituary look like? I imagine what I would like it to look like. I would want to be referenced as:
A wonderful loving wife
A great mom--always there for her kids
Passionate about helping others
Actively involved in changing the lives of others
A caring friend
A blessing to others
But, most of all…my heart belonged to Jesus. In my heart, in my very soul, I am passionate about seeing others’ lives change and their eyes opened. I want others to know this unexplainable joy that now lives in me. Life is not just waiting for the next thing to come along that may change our lives for the better and make us happy. There is happiness TODAY…on the journey. Right here, right now. Jesus meets us WHERE WE ARE and that in itself is incredible!
I heard someone say a couple of weeks ago, “Don’t have goals, have passion.” Right now I’m searching for what God wants me to do and how I fit into His bigger plan. He’s slowly revealing that to me. What are the things in my life that make me really happy? Worshiping Him, seeing life change for others around me, talking with other believers about what God is doing in their life, seeing and experiencing answered prayer, seeing our church expand—these are my passions.
What are yours?
Make a list.
What would you want your obituary to say?
Live like it will be written tomorrow.